Shana Lynn Schmidt, LLC

Here it is. Sitting on the floor of the bedroom I share with my best friend typing during a pandemic. It’s perfect. A representation of everything I love stuck in time. I’m motivated…and incredibly apprehensive. All I want is to write and save it somewhere. Now I’ve decided to save it publicly. That’s where the apprehension comes in. I have exhausted myself in an attempt to be what (I thought) others wanted me to be my entire life, and I don’t even know what that is. Perfect? Professional? Personal? Happy? I can be some of those things some of the time depending on the context, crowd, and quite frankly, how deep I can dissociate into becoming who you think I am.

Here’s who I am today. Today I am reflecting on the podcasts, webinars, instagram stories, and audio books of my last 6 weeks of isolation. So much of what I read and see resonates with me. Self-care? YES! Truth? YES! Vulnerability? YES! Feminism? YES! Authenticity? YES! Structure & Consistency? Well, maybe.

I don’t fully believe in any one view. Do I need to take care of my self to better take care of others? Absolutely, however for me taking care of others sometimes fills my soul more than what podcasters and webinarers (roll with it) preach. Do I believe we all need to find our truth and follow it? Sure. I also believe we are living our individual truths right out in front of us and some of us could stand to absorb it for a few minutes, give our truth a hug (no social-distancing necessary) and move on. Do we need to be vulnerable? Yep. But not stupid with it. Vulnerability occurs in a safe situation, not every situation is safe. Choose wisely. Do I believe in fighting for my rights as a woman? Whole-heartedly! Will you see me fight for yours? Probably not. I don’t know what is best for you. I will never pretend to know, try to guess, or read the research that attempts to prove it. Only you can know. Is authenticity the way to a most beautiful life? I’ve never believed anything more. I also know society is cruel and is scared of true, bold, free authenticity. If a personal can’t find a safe place to be authentic, society has failed. Not the person. You’re fine. Do we need some sort of structure and consistency in life to be successful? I doubt it. It helps some. Encourages a few. Feels like home to others. Structure and consistency feel like a trap to me. If it feels like a trap to you, roll with it.

So here I am. Sitting on the floor. A thought came to me so I opened up my laptop and started typing. Thank you for reading. Thank you for washing your hands. I love you.