Shana Lynn Schmidt, LLC

Distractions keep coming in and out like stormy weather pattern. Clouds. Sun. Heavy rain. Wind that makes the foundation shake. Each one bringing a new emotional response within. Trying to navigate the difference between what is real in the world and what is part of my neural-response system.

Global pandemic brings a sense of anxiety that I can’t run from. I see it in the stores, on people’s faces, and in the media I’m digesting. Seeing, learning, and loving the BIPOC community in an entirely new way has brought on a sense of despair that along with it I become washed-over in grief, trauma, knowledge, awareness, shame, and freedom simultaneously. Preparing for my daughter’s wedding amidst it all is an entirely different focus that can bring many of the same emotions as a pandemic or anti-racism…anxiety, grief, and freedom. However nothing compares to the pure joy, excitement, and peace that comes with watching someone you love love someone else. I joked with her the other night about the experience of raising my children to love and to accept love deeply, only to learn that they will then grow up to be adults who do in fact love and are loved by someone other than me and their dad. We laughed at the irony and the simplicity. This is the joy and heartbreak of parenting. Just like a global pandemic or anti-racism, there is no single emotional response that my body can resolve. My brain scans my history to find something familiar to latch on to. Nothing. My body searches for peace and stillness. Nothing. This moment calls for faith. It calls me to “Fight for your faith, read your faith, be faithful. And, be clear.  There is no faith that battles against humanity.  If you are feeling the fight against another set of humans you are fighting against faith.  Instead, be diligent and listen in to what your heart and soul are speaking to.”  In Christianity – the trinity is defined as the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Within me this becomes the Mind, the Heart, and the Soul. This is when all of my inner parts are working together. My mind searches for information, my heart resonates with the information or moves on, and my soul checks for peace. In my faith those three inner parts line up directly with the Holy Trinity – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The Father is the mind that works to find truth in the world and experiences. To gain knowledge and relate it to the way I was created in His image through my mental and physical experiences on this earth. The Son is my heart. It is He who tells me to love, to fight for what He died for, and to live through Him. The Holy Spirit is my soul. The part of me that is uniquely my own and comes alive with truth that resonates within ME. If I am guided by MY soul, then what part of me believes that I shall guide YOUR soul? If I am to live in truth there is no part of me that shall condemn, hate, or throw judgement at those who live in their truth. At my more core being and direction I am guided to love all. It is in that core being that freedom is released and suddenly all of these moments that are bringing me anxiety are to be explored and loved to the fullest.

Here’s what I have learned through my stillness and listening in. I have sat in anxiety, my body trembling from the inside, heart thumping, stomach quivering, jaw clenching, hands shaking. I asked it, “are you scared?” nothing. I asked it, “are you sad?” again, nothing. I sat another time, “are you excited? happy? overjoyed?” and a still calmness washed over me. My body resonates my soul, and my heart is overjoyed.

Be Still. Listen In. Love All.